Reflections are often so deceiving.  My perception of self is inaccurate and obscure. When composing my life story my handwriting is illegible. My history makes no sense. Our view is full of lies and void of truth. When looking in the mirror we see who we are in this life, instead of in the next. I am not who I will one day be in Heaven. But I desire to bring the two to a clashing point. Where Heaven meets earth. Where I'm not me. Where I am like you.  The problem is that when I cannot see God, I only see me. When I only see me, I perceive God through who I am or am not. When my perception of God is inaccurate,  my perception of self cannot be correct. We must begin to rest assured in the truth of Who God is. He is Maker, Protector, Deliverer, Redeemer, Provider, Knowledge, Wisdom, Love, Judge, Justice, Healer, Friend, Romancer, Chaser, Above all, King, Hidden, Revealed, All in one, One in all, I am, Brother, Hugger, Tear catcher, Fixer, Listener, Speaker, and Truth. If He is everything, then I am nothing. But, in Him I am something. I refuse to accept who I am in the mirror. I will be who I am known as in Heaven. No more lies. Only truth. Who are you going to see?

The tangibility of God has left me forever astounded. Regardless of how I feel He is the author of every single breath that I partake in.. And if I so choose, every breath can be breathed of Him. He wants to be our satisfaction, our oxygen. He doesn't need us and His identity is not made legitimate by our desperation for Him. If only we could comprehend that we are not the makers or breakers of God.
God does not need me. And that is what makes His love so true, so full, and so complete. To not be needed and yet still wanted is astonishing. So often we love those who we need and when their ability to satisfy us ceases, our love for them dies as well. I am so hungry and yet left desperately not hungry enough. Can one ever be full of God? There is no end to Him. There is always more. He is a never ending fountain. In my first three weeks of school I am learning just how tangible He really is. He wants me to carry on in conversation with Him, He wants to help us figure out our flat tires and homework. He's for us, not against us. We do not seek Him in vain. Every second becomes joy when we draw closer. And it is in drawing closer to Him that we start to look like Him, talk like Him, and act like Him. I want to look like Jesus. I'm surely not there yet, but our DNA has to be changed from the inside out. Look like Jesus. Look like Jesus.

Tonight, I stand in awe of the pure love of a Father. I remember as a young child, riding my bike through my neighborhood and turning a corner much sharper than what my young eyes could foretell.  Naturally,  I tore the flesh at my knee and raced home as quickly as my panicked legs could travel. My vision clouded from tears, I cried out for my daddy upon my front door entry, and he carried me up the stairs. I was placed on the bathroom counter, where my doctor completed the surgery of Neosporin and a bandaid.  My dad can fix anything.

I can only wonder if this is the very image of myself and my Heavenly Father, and how He ever so tenderly fixes all of my bumps and bruises. Perhaps for some, He rarely gets offered the role of Daddy Doctor.. Because our humanity is much too strong to ever go running in tears towards the best fixer upper. But, I am so thankful and hope to forever remain ready to be picked up, brushed off, made steady, and loved on. Because my Dad can fix anything.

Anew

As my chapter in Bamako has ended, I have decided (with the nudging of a dear friend) to continue my "Now Starts Mali" blog with some minor changes, of course. I am embracing new seasons, new experiences, and new adventures. So much is to come, and I simply want to be able to share all that the Lord is doing in my life. So here's to travel, people, culture, and the journey ahead.